I don’t like plays and musicals.

My parents, failing to adhere to my constant cries to the that tune, insist upon dragging me to every theatrical performance they have time for in an effort to “increase my culture” and “allow me to experience the world”. As such, I’ve been forced to sit through “Oliver” at Piccadilly Circus, “Mary Poppins” at the Fox, and “War Horse” at the London Theater.

Yet I’ve never been impressed.

Plays bore me. Their cheerful air and slow plot development always send me to sleep just after I’ve had my compulsory slice of chocolate cake during the intermission. I wake up confused, and am often prone to twiddling my thumbs during the duration of the performance.

So the prospect of spending an albeit empty Saturday night in the MHS theater watching the Marquette Theater Company’s latest spectacle “Fools,” didn’t exactly set my heart racing. I expected to sit down, stare aimlessly at the sky for an hour, eat my prepared snack during intermission, and then doze off for the last half of the play.

And then it started.

I can honestly say that in all my days on planet earth I have never had the pleasure of watching anything quite like what I saw in the theater last Saturday. From the moment the characters entered the stage and began speaking I was engrossed, sucked into the performance like I have never before experienced.

The play follows the lives of the citizens of the Ukrainian town of Kulyenchikov, a village cursed to remain stupid for all eternity unless the daughter of the town’s doctor, Sofia, marries the evil Count Gregor. The Doctor hires a tutor by the name of Leon, to educate his daughter and end the curse in any way possible that doesn’t involve marrying her off.

When Leon falls in love with Sofia, the focus of the story shifts to the future couple’s bond as well as the ending of the oppressive curse of Kulyenchikov.

The play forced itself into my attention throughout its entirety, barring me from dozing off with its well timed wisecracks and plot changes.

Every joke had a place in the script, eliciting laughter from the audience in impressive and steady quantities.

Finally, the cast was perfect. Each individual performance rivaled that of a Tony nominee. Hardly was a stumble or slip up seen on stage. I can with supreme confidence say that the next John Larroquette has walked on that stage.

In all actuality, this plays shows off the best that high school theater has to offer. It proves to me that Broadway is in good hands.

5 Stars.